Tag Archives: Zombies

Dear Stinque Zombie Bible Authors…

Illustrated Zombie Bible Classics #1

Illustrated Zombie Bible Classics #1

Holed Up in The Winchester Pub

Dear Stinquers,

  Finally.  Finally someone gets it.  I was overjoyed to hear that you want to rewrite and re-illustrate My unauthorized biography.  I am profoundly gratified that you can see and appreciate the zombie motif I’ve been working into the universe since I whipped it up one Saturday afternoon over beer and hot wings.

  Well, I say “working into”, but the truth is, it’s gotten somewhat out of hand.  I really only meant for there to be a few, select zombie scenes.  You know, Hippie Jesus gets slightly killed and comes back, complete with holes in extremeties; a few graves open up once My vacation is over – that sort of thing.  But, and this is where I made My boner, it turns out they’re harder to get rid of than I thought.  Baron Samedi warned Me, but I figured He was just a wog deity, what did He know?  Oops.  Dea Culpa.

  Anyway, I just want you to know that I am all for your exciting new biography of Me.  You might even call it a Deiography.  In fact, might I suggest that, instead of Stinque Zombie Bible, you name it Gawd II:  Night of the Living Gawd?  It has more of a movie feel to it, which will probably help sales, since I don’t think consumers actually read anymore.

  Which brings us to the most important bit.  Sales.  As you may know, I never saw a cent from the first unauthorized version.  Bupkis.  Zero.  Zilch.  Our Nada what art in Our bank account, Nada be thy name… You’ll have to forgive Me for being a little giddy, but I’ve been waiting a very, very long time for something like this.  So I’m thinking that, since it is about Me, I should get a 60% share of the gross.  I know that’s more than My usual 10%, but I’m sure you’d like to make up for all the lost revenue from the first, (unauthorized, in case I haven’t mentioned), version.  I prefer a weekly suitcase full of cash.  You can have them delivered to whichever hotel I’m staying at.  I’ll be sure to get you a vacation schedule.

  By the way, you should probably get this thing to the publishers ASAP, before the market gets saturated.  Just watch out for your brains on the way.

Wish You were here,