Dear Everyone Everywhere,
I know I promised I’d be there for your birthday this year, but something extremely important came up… as far as you know.
Okay, look, the truth is, even though I made you a cake last year, you’re just getting too old for birthday parties. I can’t show up in a clown suit on your birthday any more. It’s just not dignified. But don’t get all weepy about it, you’re a big universe now. Anyway, it’s n0t like I forgot, exactly. I grabbed this card on the way through Charles de Gaulle Airport. It was the only one in a language I approve of.
Right. They’re calling My flight, so buck up, don’t cry and I hope you had a nice birthday.
Wish You Were Here,