Dear Universe…


Universe Gamma-33/Rho-Theta-7

Dear Everyone Everywhere,

  I know I promised I’d be there for your birthday this year, but something extremely important came up… as far as you know.

  Okay, look, the truth is, even though I made you a cake last year, you’re just getting too old for birthday parties.  I can’t show up in a clown suit on your birthday any more.  It’s just not dignified.  But don’t get all weepy about it, you’re a big universe now.  Anyway, it’s n0t like I forgot, exactly.  I grabbed this card on the way through Charles de Gaulle Airport.  It was the only one in a language I approve of.

  Right.  They’re calling My flight, so buck up, don’t cry and I hope you had a nice birthday.

Wish You Were Here,



9 responses to “Dear Universe…

  1. I can’t show up in a clown suit on your birthday any more. It’s just not dignified.

    Gawd can’t wear a clown suit because it’s undignified, but he can let Hippie Jesus be publicly executed wearing nothing more than a tattered loincloth?

    Oh, and a crown of thorns, too. I mustn’t forget the crown of thorns, the perfect topping to a well-matched execution ensemble.

    Talk about undignified….

    • Oh, Chappy, that was just Deity Club hijinks. Every deity has an induction ceremony of some kind. Sure, some people might call it “undignified” or “hazing” or “ridiculously unbelievable”, but it’s all part of being a supernatural… well, being.

  2. Thank you for that Wikipedia multiverse link. Very interesting!

  3. Jesus definitely took the whole hazing-on-a-tree better than Odin.

    But seriously, Gawd, if you’re going to create a universe, at least take it out for dinner on its birthday like a sensitive Creator. How’s about a spontaneous bowl of garlic steamed mussels and some breadsticks for every sentient being? Mmm?

  4. But how many multiverses are there…?

    • Daz,
      Let me answer your question with a question…

      How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?*

      * Fourty-Two

      Do you have any idea how much that would cost? Perhaps you’ve mistaken Gawd for a creator who doesn’t live off His brand-loyalists.

  5. I can’t show up in a clown suit on your birthday any more. It’s just not dignified.M

    Though considering how mucked up the universe is (or (at the very least) our little insignificant corner of it), a clown suit would be most appropriate.

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