Dear Humanity…

On My Earth that I made for Me!!1!

All you humans who treat Me with no consideration,

  Keep reading this postcard and don’t you dare throw it away!  If you don’t read this I will come down there and tsunami your asses!  I have plenty of energy to do it, even if I am on vacation, so just listen to Me!  Listen to what you do to Me!  You make My life so fucking difficult!  Why can’t you be a people who fucking support me instead of fucking sucking Me dry?!  Has any supernatural relationship ever worked with you?!  NO!  It’s no wonder all the other deities have quit!  I’m the only one who loves you!  Just think of all I’ve done for you!!1  Who let you discover fire and caves after you got yourself kicked out of Eden?!  Who saved Noah and his immediate family from that flood?!  Who tortured and killed His own son so some of you wouldn’t burn in Hell?!  Me, that’s who!  But you rejected Me!  You will never be happy!  Fuck you!  And if you don’t like My fucking language, you can fuck off!!1!

  Don’t you dare crumple this card up and throw it away!!!  I can tell you’re thinking about it!!1  You should be on your knees begging Me to forgive you and giving Me money ’cause I deserve it1111!!  But everything you do insults Me!  You insult Me, you insult My friends and you’re always fucking flirting with science!!  If you get raped by a pack of scientists it will be your fault!!1!

  I am sick of your bullshit!!!  You can stay on the earth, but it’s not yours!!  I’m not giving it to you!!!

Wish You Were Here,


P.S. – Whichever one of you is in charge of reservations at the Hotel Le St-James, I’ll be arriving Saturday night.  This time, please don’t put chocolates on the pillows in the Royal Suite.  I woke up with it in My beard last time.


4 responses to “Dear Humanity…

  1. Gawd:
    Those weren’t chocolates.

  2. Dear Gawd,

    What the hell set you off today? Are you pissed off at the Vatican for waiting until 2001 to add pedophilia to their list of serious sins? Or, are you pissed off that they had the nerve to classify it as a sin at all?

  3. Gawd,

    I did crumple the postcard. After all, you can tsunami or whatever, but I have no money to give. Hey, I figured out why you’re grumpy. Too many people are broke and nobody is giving you money!

    Don’t worry, maybe my husband will feel sorry for you and will give you some funds. After all, he works, I don’t.

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