USA, North America, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way
Dear Nation of Brand Loyalists,
I am verklempt. Really, this was too kind. To set aside a national holiday for sending Me postcards was just very, very thoughtful. Not “thoughtful” in the sense of actually thinking, but “thoughtful” in a warm, fuzzy kind of way. That’s My kind of thoughtful.
Of course, I’m not going to read them. I mean, I’m on vacation, after all. But just knowing that you are officially a nation of My brand loyalists is a real shot in the arm. Now, when I’ve finished off the Filet Mignon avec Sauce Bernaise and I’m wondering, “Why should I bother to order the Creme Brulee and a cup of Kopi Luwak? What’s the point,” I’ll think, “I’ve got to do it for the brand loyalists. It’s what they would want.”
I am truly gladdened to see you back on the proverbial straight & narrow. Gladdened that you can put all this divisive “separation of church and state” nonsense behind you and devote your time to the important issues like tithing, free parking and ministering to sinners.
Not gladdened enough to write back to each of you individually, you understand; not gladdened enough to answer any of your postcards, but gladdened nonetheless.
As a sort of “thank you”, I’m enclosing a photo of Me and some little shit I was at Deity School with, suitable for framing.
Wish You Were Here,