Secret Govt. Organ-Stealing Plant, Reagan Wing, Rm. 3A
I’m sorry to hear you’re under the weather. I was going to send flowers, but a) they cost money I require for other purposes and 2) I was afraid you might be allergic to anything that isn’t white.
This doesn’t come easily to Me, but… well, when I say that I’m sorry, I actually mean it this time. I’m sorry because it’s My fault. I didn’t mean to embolden your appendix to climb up your spinal column and try to throttle your brain. In the past, with situations like burning Sodom & that other place, or drowning all the dinosaurs, I wasn’t the least bit sorry because I fully meant to wreak all that destruction. You’d have agreed totally if you’d been there. Sodom, (and I admit the name should have been a giveaway), turned out to be chock full of sodomites and the dinosaurs were agitating for Communist Health Care. So, good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.
However, in your case, it was simply a slip of the old omnipotence. I was chatting up this girl in the bar of My hotel and she seemed really impressed when I told her that I’m omniscient and omnipotent. In no time I was reading her mind, (“I wonder what’s on TV right now?”), and lighting the candles at the tables from across the room. So, before I knew it, she was asking Me just how omnipotent I was. “You mean,”, she said, “You could just snap Your fingers and make the world a better place?”
You can probably see where this is going from here. Without thinking about it, I said, “Sure, baby,”, snapped My fingers and Pow! Your appendix went rogue.
Really, when you think about it, I shouldn’t blame Myself. It’s just as much that girl’s fault as mine. More, actually. I’m really more of an innocent bystander here. Or, as I know you’d agree, it looks a lot like a conspiracy against Me. I was just doing what I do. Enjoying My vacation, having a drink or six in the hotel bar and picking up loose totty. She took advantage of My nature in order to embarrass Me and get rid of you.
If I were you, I’d get on the air immediately and tell the world about this socialist plot to kill you. Presuming you survive their vicious attack.
Wish You Were Here,