Dear Allah…

rock and a hard place

Enchantment Resort, 525 Boynton Canyon Rd., Sedona, AZ 86336

Dear Al,

  Far be it for Me to tell You how to handle your own brand-loyalists, but Your boy, the Ayatollah, seems to be in a tough spot.  You know I’ve always had the greatest respect for You and the good work Your brand-loyalists do, so…

  Oh, Hell!  I can’t keep a straight face while I write that drivel!  Even You’re not stupid enough to believe that, anyway, right?  What I’m really writing to say is – “Ha, Ha!

  Oh, that felt good.  You know, normally I’m all for theocracy.  It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.  I’ve got high hopes for the United States, one day soon.  But Iran is Your theocracy… and it’s left a bad taste in My mouth for years.  There’s not much I hate worse than seeing You get away with something, You hack.  That’s why I’ve been laughing so hard I nearly pooped My Holy Drawers.

  The Jesii have been following this “Twitter Revolution” going on there.  I can’t say that I understand it or see the difference between a twit and a telephone, but the boys tell Me it’s been giving the Ayatollah fits and that’s good enough for Me.  And just so You know, (but really to make You queasy), I’m having a cargo ship full of Chick Tracts diverted from Singapore to Iran.  Nothing would make Me laugh harder than converting a country full of Your brand-loyalists over to My brand.

  Oh, Me!  I’m laughing so hard I’m crying over here.  People are starting to stare at Me and they’re about to call My flight, anyway.  So I’ll wrap this up.

Wish You Were here,


P.S. – We’re still on for golf this weekend, right?


12 responses to “Dear Allah…

  1. Your posts throw me for a loop. The links below the photographs seem out of context with the rest of the post. Dear me, I know I could hardly hope to be privy to all your ways, but I’d love some enlightenment on this.

    • Sorry, Heather. Links below the picture are usually to the current address of the recipient. In this case, a spa in Arizona. Sometimes the recipient’s website. That sort of thing.

  2. But isn’t the Iranian theocratic democracy just what Gawd’s brand-loyalists want in America?

  3. I think Allah may have the last laugh here. The other guy is just slightly moderate. But maybe Gawd is up to something, self-destruction is a possibility. More possible that the silly tracts working, anyway.

    • Lovely sheep, BTW. As cute as they come.

      • You don’t mean to say that Chick Tracts won’t work, do you, Lorena?! I’ve never heard anything so preposterous. As an atheist, there are two things which scare me to death: the banana, as described by Ray Comfort and Chick Tracts.
        Nothing destroys our Satanic arguments like those two things.

        Presumably, the same goes for Muslim arguments.

  4. Jack Chick Tracts = Hell on Earth

    Gawd has a nasty mean streak.

  5. In my fundie days, I used to give out chick tracts too, even to Muslims. Luckily no one complained, otherwise I might have had to spend 8 weeks in the slammer as well.

    There but for the grace of Thor go I.

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