Dear Pastor Ken “Quickdraw” Pagano,
I received the kind invitation to speak at your “Open Carry Celebration” on June 27 and I am touched. It reminds Me of how the boys used to play Cowboys & Pharisees. They’d come tearing into the back yard on Their dinosaurs, guns strapped to Their hips, a whoopin’ and a whompin’ everything in sight. They’d make the angels play the Pharisees, of course, since no kid ever wants to be the bad guys. Like you, I’m a firm believer in responsible gun ownership, so I always made Them ressurect everyone when They were through playing. It’s important to instill personal responsibility early on.
I only wish We were going to be free that weekend, but, unfortunately, We’ll be vacationing at the Wild West park in Boskovice, Czech Republic and the tickets are non-refundable.
I do have some suggestions for you, though. Did you like the picture on this postcard? It’s from the boys’ favorite comic and I thought you might like to hand out copies to all the kids who show up. It’s a good way of teaching them early that anyone they disagree with is a rabid monster which should be “put down” for the good of all mankind. It will also help to get across your point that “Not all branches of Christianity are pacifistic,”.
Perhaps, in lieu of Me speaking at your Open Carry Celebration, you could get Cheryl Sullenger from Operation Rescue. If there’s anyone who knows about gun safety, it’s Cheryl. She’s so safe that she has other people pull the trigger for her. Maybe, just to be fair and balanced, you could get a talking head or two from Fox News. I understand they have a similar policy.
Again, I’m sorry I nor My boys will be able to make it to the celebration. It’s been too long since I’ve held a long, hard bit of metal full of explosives for hurling copper-jacketed lead slugs at supersonic velocities in My hand. I’ve always said that the Beatles were right. Happiness is a warm gun.
Well, maybe the Czechs are brand-loyalists and I can wear a six-gun in the park.
Wish You Were Here,