Dear Liberty University Young Democrats…

God Republican or Democrat

Courtesy: The Pain Comics

Student Union Broom Closet, 1971 University Blvd., Lynchburg, VA

Dear Democrat Brand-Loyalists,

  You whippersnappers should be ashamed of yourselves.  If Jesse Helms weren’t in Hell, he’d be rolling over in his grave right now.  Do you think he lent his name to the school of government at Liberty University so some wild-eyed socialist toddlers could come along and form a club for the gay, negro, abortion party?  I think not.

  I think you’ve got the wrong idea about college.  It isn’t a place to examine new ideas and change the old ones that have served your parents and grandparents so well all these years.  It isn’t a place to start caring about national healthcare, women’s rights, global warming or any other myth you might run across.  College is a way to get a good-paying job that will enable you to tithe in the manner to which I have become accustomed.

  I just thank Me My old pal Jerry Falwell, Jr. had the presence of mind to nip your little socialist cell in the bud.  And before you start feeling all persecuted, just remember that your parents aren’t paying all that tuition so you can disagree with Jerry.  As he says, himself;

 “Liberty University will not lend its name or financial support to any student group that advances causes contrary to its mission.”

  That mission, in case you’ve forgotten, is to prepare you to be responsible members of the tithing community and to be, if not fearless upholders of the Status Quo, at least quiet citizens who do what you’re told.  So, in the parlance of today’s youth:  Sit Down & Shut the Fuck Up, (but don’t forget to tithe generously).

Wish You Were Here,

~Gawd

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6 responses to “Dear Liberty University Young Democrats…

  1. One of the ten (or eleven (or twelve (however many there are (depending on the religion (and how you define (and/or write) them)))))) commandments states, “Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness,” right? The modern Republican Party is built on lies (tax cuts increase revenue, tax cuts for the rich trickle down, America is a Christian nation, etc), and hate (liberals, minorities, immigrants (except the gardeners), gays, Arabs, etc), so shouldn’t Gawd’s Own University, Liberty U, also disband the Young Republicans on campus?

    • That’s a perfectly good point, (((Billy))), however, Gawd has always regarded the original 23 Commandments more as rules-of-thumb than actual you-must-live-your-life-by-them, big-C Commandments.
      Except, of course, for “Thou Shalt Not have any other gods before Me.” He’s pretty keen on that one.
      So, really, as long as LU doesn’t start worshipping Baal and keeps churning out tithers, He’s good with it.

  2. College is a way to get a good-paying job that will enable you to tithe in the manner to which I have become accustomed.

    I’m sure Gawd realizes that the tithe money won’t really start rolling in until after the student loans have been repaid. No, maybe later, because that’s about the time the by-now-married grad will be buying a house. So, the tithes will roll in after the student loans and mortgage are repaid. No, maybe later, because that’s about the time that the college grad will be putting his/her children through college and a whole new set of loans will commence. So, the tithes will roll in after the initial student loans, the mortgage and the second set of student loans have been repaid. No, maybe later, because that’s about the time that the now fairly old college grad will be retiring and accumulating a shitload of medical bills.

    Face it, Gawd – your tithing scheme is in peril. You may have to adopt a less affluent lifestyle.

  3. Chappie,

    Gawd asked me to pass along a message to you. He would have written, Himself, but didn’t want to waste a stamp on such a short communication. Message is as follows:

    “Bite your tongue!”

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