Dear Chemists…

recipe of life

University of Manchester, Oxford Rd., Manchester, UK M13 9PL

Dear Fe Chefs,

  I am, as I believe the whole world is aware, an easy-going Gawd.  A Gawd who knows how to take the rough with the smooth.  A Gawd, if I do say so Myself, who knows how to turn the other cheek.  Just ask Adam & E… no; just ask Noah… er; ask the Amelakites…  Look, just take My word for it.  I’m easy-going and anyone who says I’m not had just better watch their back.

  Although I am, as we’ve agreed, pretty laid back, you’ve stepped over the line this time.  I don’t know how you got your grubby little hands on it, but you’ve somehow stolen one of My proprietary recipes.  The basic recipe for life, or as I like to call it, “Gawd’s Roux®©”, is something I stole from My lab partner at deity school worked long and hard on to perfect.  It’s the basis for nearly all of My other recipes.  It’s patented, trademarked and copyrighted, as you may have noticed, so you can also expect to hear from My lawyers, Fire, Brimstone & Wrath, LLC.

  What is it with you scientists, anyway?  I mean, generally speaking, I like you.  You’re a lot more interesting and fun at parties than My brand-loyalists and, Hell, science itself looks pretty cool, according to that movie with Kelly LeBrock.  So why do you have to keep horning in on My territory?  As any of My brand-loyalists will point out; it’s just not fair!  Do I go around wearing a white lab coat and… and… and… doing whatever it is that you do?  No, I don’t.  So I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to quit creating things.

  Right.  I’m going to leave this there for now, (until My lawyers get through with you).  I’ve got just enough time for a soda and to slather on some sunscreen before My noon poolside massage.

Wish You Were Here,



5 responses to “Dear Chemists…

  1. Life, schmife. I was hoping, with that picture on top, that chemists had synthesized a calorie-free version of chocolate decadence or Guinness…..

    • As I understand it, that’s the beauty of Gawd’s recipe, (®©). It doubles as Chocolate Guiness Cake.
      Which, now that I think about it, makes me wonder if He really came up with it on His own.

  2. Gawd really needs to beef up his security service. There’s no way the chemists should have gotten near his cookbook.

  3. I think Gawd’s cookbook has some problems: think platypus, mononychus and Dick Cheney. I would not brag about being the root of it all, considering just how strange the shrub got.

    Just a thought.

  4. We can always hope Gawd isn’t pissed off enough to send a suicide bomber to destroy the bio-chemists and the lab. If He offers a few more virgins and a variety of alcoholic beverages for the job, even a Christian or an atheist may be willing to arrive sooner than later in heaven or hell, whichever the preferred destination may be.

    Heck, if He tells me that I’ll have pupusas every day in hell, I may even do it myself.

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