Finally. Finally someone gets it. I was overjoyed to hear that you want to rewrite and re-illustrate My unauthorized biography. I am profoundly gratified that you can see and appreciate the zombie motif I’ve been working into the universe since I whipped it up one Saturday afternoon over beer and hot wings.
Well, I say “working into”, but the truth is, it’s gotten somewhat out of hand. I really only meant for there to be a few, select zombie scenes. You know, Hippie Jesus gets slightly killed and comes back, complete with holes in extremeties; a few graves open up once My vacation is over – that sort of thing. But, and this is where I made My boner, it turns out they’re harder to get rid of than I thought. Baron Samedi warned Me, but I figured He was just a wog deity, what did He know? Oops. Dea Culpa.
Anyway, I just want you to know that I am all for your exciting new biography of Me. You might even call it a Deiography. In fact, might I suggest that, instead of Stinque Zombie Bible, you name it Gawd II: Night of the Living Gawd? It has more of a movie feel to it, which will probably help sales, since I don’t think consumers actually read anymore.
Which brings us to the most important bit. Sales. As you may know, I never saw a cent from the first unauthorized version. Bupkis. Zero. Zilch. Our Nada what art in Our bank account, Nada be thy name… You’ll have to forgive Me for being a little giddy, but I’ve been waiting a very, very long time for something like this. So I’m thinking that, since it is about Me, I should get a 60% share of the gross. I know that’s more than My usual 10%, but I’m sure you’d like to make up for all the lost revenue from the first, (unauthorized, in case I haven’t mentioned), version. I prefer a weekly suitcase full of cash. You can have them delivered to whichever hotel I’m staying at. I’ll be sure to get you a vacation schedule.
Wish You were here,