Geneva University, Geneva, Switzerland
Dear Astrologers Astronomers,
You couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? Most of you, as you are well aware, are My New Chosen People. As such, the Earth is your “Promised Land”* So why do you have to keep poking your noses into My other planets? I’ve been saving Gliese 581d for the Mormons. I sort of promised every one of them, (excluding womenfolk, of course), their own planet; not realizing a) that there would ever be need of more than a couple dozen and b) that I would have to come up with some kind of FTL Drive to get them there. So, look… hands off, okay?
I don’t know how you even found out about this one. I know I didn’t tell you. I learned My lesson there after I told Douglas Adams about Ursa Minor Beta. Now the place is overrun with tourists. Do you know how much trouble it was to get that place right? I had to sub-contract a lot of the design and construction out to Pele. I used to do a lot of My vacationing there, but ever since Doug published a description and location the place is too crowded with hitchhiking astrologers astronomers to bother.
It is a West Zone planet which by an inexplicable and somewhat suspicious freak of topography consists almost entirely of sub- tropical coastline. By an equally suspicious freak of temporal relastatics, it is nearly always Saturday afternoon just before the beach bars close.
I really loved that place.
So you’re not getting your grubby hands on Gliese 581d. I spent a good deal of time and energy on making this one perfect for Mormons. Well… a couple of hours, but I did it all Myself this time. As you can see from the photo, it’s pet-friendly, has a diverse eco-system that supports as many as three types of fauna at once and external breathing apparatus is only required during the summer.
If I have to whip up a replacement on the spur of the moment, it’s liable not to be My best work.
So you guys can have Uranus, alright? I can’t even fob that one off on the Mormons since some Me-damned do-gooder told them about the name.
Wish You Were Here, (Instead of Ursa Minor Beta),
*Subject to certain restrictions; not valid for cities containing 5-star hotels.