East Capitol St., NE & 1st St., NE, Washington, DC 20002
Dear Gov., (through your Three Branches),
I’m sure you’re trying your best, but your best doesn’t seem to be doing the trick. Even with the overwhelmingly huge clamour from My brand-loyalists, you don’t quite seem to have gotten the idea. I don’t care about the rich getting richer. In fact, I’m all for it. Being “comfortable”, (though not as “comfortable” as I’d like), Myself, I have what you might call a vested interest in the status quo. However, in this instance I expect you to funnel these bailout billions of yours in a more righteous direction. If not directly into My vacation fund, then to people and things that can be counted on to pass the wealth to Me. I think you get My meaning.
This new guy in the White House seems to understand what I’m looking for. In a word: Faith-Based. Compared to him, you might as well not exist. Show Me the money, US Government. Show Me the money. I’ll believe you’ve gotten with the program once I see the money. Actually, as I have these sudden, new doubts of your very existence, I’ll believe in you, in general, just as soon as My vacation fund shows a deposit amount in excess of $1 billion.
The more I think about this existence issue, the more worried I get. I’m trying not to think of it, of course, but I can’t seem to help it. Do you exist? Do you exist and are you working to make My vacation better? Do you exist but not care about My vacation? Do you even know about My financial woes and do you have the power to affect them? These are deep, philosophical questions that I tend to shy away from. I mean, I like to assume that you’re there, up in Washington, looking after My interest without having to do anything, Myself. But what if I’m wrong? Then I’d have to solve My vacation fund issues on My own.
Well, until someone can prove to me that you don’t exist and aren’t looking after My welfare, I’ll just assume you do and act accordingly. I’m off for a quick dip in the hotel’s solid gold pool. Later, I’ll have them send up an omelet in a Faberge egg.
Wish You Were Here,