Dear Danes…

hamlet-and-friend1

C/O Margrethe II, Amalienborg Plads, Copenhagen, Denmark

Dear Denmarkians,

  There is no need to be melancholy any longer.  I’m on My way.  In fact, I’m writing this postcard in the limousine on the way to the airport.  I’ve had a perfectly beastly time on the current leg of My Eternal Vacation and it’s time for a change.

  You see, I was feeling a little down and some smart-ass told Me that people in Mississippi really liked Me.  I thought a little TLC couldn’t hurt, so I hopped the first flight.

  Danishers, let Me give you some advice.  If anyone suggests that a trip to Mississippi is just the thing you need, smite them where they stand.  Tell them – not to put too fine a point on it – that they can kiss Gawd’s ass.  Of five-star hotels, there are none.  The less said about the level of education, the better.  The community theatre is, well… community theatre.  And they have blue laws.  Black Hole of Calcutta ain’t in it.

  So I called up one of My favorite brand-loyalists and he told Me about your country.  It sounds a treat!  I’ve made reservations at First Hotel Skt. Petri.  Please have a large scotch and a busty, blond masseuse waiting when I arrive.

See You Soon, or, as I believe you say, “Mig hovercraft er fuld i alene.

~Gawd

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8 responses to “Dear Danes…

  1. HIlarity!

  2. When did Gawd start digging busty blondes? I thought he preferred dark-haired, olive-skinned girls.

  3. I think the problem is that Gawd’s perception of Himself and the perception of Gawd created by the most anal of His worshippers are not even in the same universe. My advice to Gawd (damn but that is fun to type) is stay away from those who profess to love You — the You they think You are is not the You You think You are (it sounds almost like I’m talking about a UU church here, doesn’t it?).

  4. If He is not the He He thinks He is, then is He the He that others think He is? and would that lead to a multiple of He He’s?

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