Dear Covenant School of Dallas…

The Dallas Academy Massacre

The Dallas Academy Massacre

7300 Valley View Lane, Dallas, TX  75240

Dear Coach Grimes,

  Congratulations, champ!  That was some win!  Every game must have a winner and a loser, and this one, like all others, was decided by the merits.  That’s why you won with a 100 to nothing blowout.

  Excellent coaching, Micah.  Excellent.  I thought it was especially good of you to point out what a great learning experience this was for both teams.  All the girls, (and most of the country, for that matter), learned that I am always on the side of the big battalions.  Little Dallas Academy learned not to go in against Gawd when He’s got money riding on the other team.  Your girls learned the valuable lesson of how to stomp an opponent long after the spark of hope has died.  You, personally, learned never to apologize for crushing little girls dreams.

  Almost perfect, I’d say.  Except for one, tiny thing.

  I’ve read every single news story about your resounding win and I couldn’t help but notice that you didn’t once thank Me.  Not.  Once.

  Coach, when I say, “decided by the merits”, we both know what that means.  It means I liked your pre-game prayer better than the other team’s.  Like all sports, the winner is solely down to Me.  All I ever ask the winner in return is that they stand in front of the cameras and say “I just want to thank Gawd for this win,” or “This wouldn’t have been possible without my Lord & Saviour.”

  By not thanking Me, you are, in effect, saying that your team could have beat Dallas Academy, and their school-wide pool of 20 girls with learning disorders, without Me.  That, Micah, is a no-no.  That is some load of hubris you’re carrying around My friend.  That’s why I’ve had you fired.  Not because you’re a dick.  Not because you don’t understand the concept of sportsmanship or self-control.  Not because you didn’t apologize for being an unsportsmanlike dick with no self-control.

  Because you didn’t thank Me for all the hard work I put into winning this game for you.

Wish You Were here,



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