[REDACTED], [REDACTED], DC 2055[REDACTED]
Dear “Ken Kernanbe”,
I’m using a pseudonym for you because I’m very concerned that the citizens of your country, [REDACTED], should know as little about our dealings as possible. Your coded message came through loud and clear. No blabbing. I’ve taken it so to heart, as you can see, that I glued two postcards together, back to back, so no one could snoop on our communication.
“Ken”, I’ll keep this short and to the point. I don’t want anyone triangulating your position through this postcard. I’m writing for two reasons. First, and most importantly, to remind you to keep your trap shut about “lending” Me that $1.2 trillion. That’s between you and your maker. I Don’t want this to sound like a threat, but if word leaks, I’ll make sure that those pictures of you in [REDACTED] with [REDACTED], [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] 180 degrees [REDACTED] [REDACTED] sewing machine [REDACTED] inside [REDACTED] [REDACTED] grey mule. Do we understand one another?
Secondly, I want to congratulate your apparatchik, “Konald Dohn”. That boy is going places. If he has anything to say about it, no one will ever know where, but he’s going places.
I’d better get this in the mail. I don’t like the way the room service guy is looking at Me. Remember: Ix-nay on the abbing-blay.
Wish You Were Here,