Dear Charlie Crist…

a_gay_wedding

PL-05 The Capitol, Tallahassee, FL  32399

Dear Chuck,

  Mazel tov!  There’s nothing I like more than a good wedding.  Well, next to a good, 40-year-old whiskey… and Fillet Mignon with Sauce Bernaise… and a nice, solid smite… oh, and tithing.  I really like it when people pass the collection plate.  Okay, so it may not be technically true that I liked your wedding more than anything else, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not happy for you.  I know that some people think I’m a reactionary old fogey, (for which they will eventually pay), but the fact is, I’ve been an advocate of gay marriage for eons.

  Well, maybe “advocate” is a bit strong, but I’ve never forbidden it.  Hell, the great majority of My former employees were LGBTN.  If I had told the various dykes, fairies, fence-sitters, pre-ops and eunuchs they couldn’t get married, their union would have ground My business to a halt.  Hey, there’s an idea.  If you really want to get things done in the Republican party, you should start an LGBT union.  There are enough of you, I should think, to exert some leverage.  Look at the Seraphim.  Those guys forced My hand on the whole “gay animal” thing, which turned out pretty well.  Without their kvetching, there would be no hot lesbian cannibalistic necrophilia, and I don’t have to tell you how popular that is.  I, Myself, am as straight as a deity gets, but I’ve got to admit that, (barring the cannibalism and necrophilia), I’ve been a big fan from way back.

  It’s not just the hired help who bumps the mirror, if you know what I mean.  I could tell you stories about a number of deities that would make your eyes bug out.  And that’s before I even get to the Greeks.  Zeus?  Fuggedaboudit.  It takes every letter in the rainbow to describe Him.

  The point is, Chuck:  More power to you.  You are the champions, and all that.  So long as you continue to tithe, encourage others to tithe and never, ever do anything that might stop people from tithing, I will forbid you nothing.  That’s just the sort of equal opportunity Gawd I Am.

Wish You Were Here,

~Gawd

P.S. – My boys just told Me you insist you’re not gay.  So I had Them check the records.  You are Charles Joseph Crist, Jr., right?  Born July 24, 1956?  Father was Greek?  Small scar on the outside of your right knee?  Yeah, I thought so.

  You’re gay.

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12 responses to “Dear Charlie Crist…

  1. Dear Gawd,

    I saw where, you obviously having nothing better to do, looked at my Charlie Crist article. Thanks very much. I don’t get that many comments to begin with, so my gawd, when I get one from gawd I am almightily pleased!

    Seriously, I think your blog is splendiforous!

    And thanks for stopping by.

    Jacob

  2. Oh, yeah, I plan to link you to my favorite blogs…maybe you’d do the same?

    Jacob

  3. Jacob,
    I’m sure that if Gawd could be persuaded to get out of his hammock and set down the pina colada, He would thank you for the compliment.

  4. Love the PS there Gawd. Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Busy busy

  5. Gawd,
    As a long-time follower of Yours, I’m a bit dismayed to learn that you have supported gay marriage “for eons.” I can only assume that You refer to a gay person marrying a person of the opposite sex in an attempt to “convert.” Please clarify.

    In the meantime, I will continue tithing (on my gross pay, of course–there’s nothing I hate worse than a net pay tither!).

  6. Frogspond,
    Good to see you again.

    Rev,
    You are the kind of hard-charging tither that Gawd has always loved. Keep up the good work.
    As for the gay marriage question, I’ll pass it along – but you know Gawd; He doesn’t much like explaining Himself to anyone. Ineffable as all Hell.

  7. I hadn’t given it too much thought until I saw this, but do you reckon this straight marriage is a political move that means Crist is eyeballing the White House?

    From the hot lesbian link:

    When they rehydrate they must repair themselves […] This they do by eating and absorbing the discarded flesh of their dead female cohorts.

    Mm… Kinky. Nice photo too.

  8. Hmm… Should I send out a search party? Is there a postal strike or something?

    I’m having postcard withdrawal over here. 😯

    Hope all is well.

  9. Sorry Lottie. I just had time to deliver one more postcard before I head down to your neck of the woods. Ah , Xmas in Tejas!
    I had a friend from Germany in town last week and no time for my appointed rounds.
    See ya after the holidays.

  10. Oh, good! I was starting to worry that Gawd was cutt back and had to let you go. Then again, you probably deliver the tithe checks. That job security, right there!

    Glad to hear you’re enjoying friends and taking some time off work. Be sure and have some tamales with Xmas dinner, and Cuervo shots afterward. 😉

    Happy Holidays!

  11. Oh, the tamales! Our friend, Irma, makes two big bags of tamales for us every xmas. Now, that’s an angel.

  12. You’re all set then! My neighbor makes them too, and she called a few minutes ago to invite us to dinner later! 😀

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