PL-05 The Capitol, Tallahassee, FL 32399
Mazel tov! There’s nothing I like more than a good wedding. Well, next to a good, 40-year-old whiskey… and Fillet Mignon with Sauce Bernaise… and a nice, solid smite… oh, and tithing. I really like it when people pass the collection plate. Okay, so it may not be technically true that I liked your wedding more than anything else, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not happy for you. I know that some people think I’m a reactionary old fogey, (for which they will eventually pay), but the fact is, I’ve been an advocate of gay marriage for eons.
Well, maybe “advocate” is a bit strong, but I’ve never forbidden it. Hell, the great majority of My former employees were LGBTN. If I had told the various dykes, fairies, fence-sitters, pre-ops and eunuchs they couldn’t get married, their union would have ground My business to a halt. Hey, there’s an idea. If you really want to get things done in the Republican party, you should start an LGBT union. There are enough of you, I should think, to exert some leverage. Look at the Seraphim. Those guys forced My hand on the whole “gay animal” thing, which turned out pretty well. Without their kvetching, there would be no hot lesbian cannibalistic necrophilia, and I don’t have to tell you how popular that is. I, Myself, am as straight as a deity gets, but I’ve got to admit that, (barring the cannibalism and necrophilia), I’ve been a big fan from way back.
It’s not just the hired help who bumps the mirror, if you know what I mean. I could tell you stories about a number of deities that would make your eyes bug out. And that’s before I even get to the Greeks. Zeus? Fuggedaboudit. It takes every letter in the rainbow to describe Him.
The point is, Chuck: More power to you. You are the champions, and all that. So long as you continue to tithe, encourage others to tithe and never, ever do anything that might stop people from tithing, I will forbid you nothing. That’s just the sort of equal opportunity Gawd I Am.
Wish You Were Here,
P.S. – My boys just told Me you insist you’re not gay. So I had Them check the records. You are Charles Joseph Crist, Jr., right? Born July 24, 1956? Father was Greek? Small scar on the outside of your right knee? Yeah, I thought so.