Dear James Dobson…

My Perfect Will Be Done

My Perfect Will Be Done

Focus On The Family, Colorado Springs, CO  80995

Dear Jimmy,

  I’m just dashing off a note to thank you for the kind sentiment.  As luck and judicious tipping would have it, My perfect will was done on November 4th.  I spent most of the day at a spa in Paris having Le Massage Tibetain.  It’s really quite astoundingly relaxing.  They make a sort of sachet of Tibetan rocks, Dead Sea salt and some ancient blend of seven herbs & spices, then they heat it up, dip it in warm almond oil and go to work.  No Happy Ending, sadly, but still very nice.

  I hear you guys had an election that day.  How’d it go?  Say, a funny thing happened to Me the other day that I know you’ll get a kick out of.  I was vacationing in Tennessee and I made the most embarrassing mistake.  I saw some nutcases holding up signs that said “Gawd Hates Fags”, but I thought they said “Fags Hate Gawd”.  So I was just about to go all Old Testament on their asses when I found out My mistake.  Ha!  can you imagine that?  I’ve employed more lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans-gendereds and neuters as angels than any other employer in history.  (It seems counter-intuitive, but no one dances on the head of a pin like a pre-op tranny.)  Anyway, it’s pretty ridiculous that I thought the fags hate Me, don’t you think?  Like they’ve got some sort of “agenda” or “plot” to turn the whole world gay or something.

  Speaking of, you ought to hire a few, yourself.  Nobody can lead a wise man to a manger, break an apostle out of prison or stare down a den full of lions like an angel trying to move up the corporate ladder.  Am I right?  Of course, most of the ones who worked for Me were there just to be “Yes Men”.  I used to love to hear them saying “Yes, AG,”, “Of course, AG,” and “Great idea, AG,” day and night.  It’s frivolous, I know, but I enjoyed it.  I know you don’t get involved in frivolous things, but they can do plenty of other useful stuff. 

  On the other hand, they can sometimes be a little stroppy, but I know you don’t mind a little constructive criticism.  Personally, I never could stand it.  It’s one of the reasons I retired.  It was sometimes hard to get the more effective class of angel to understand that I’m always right, even when I’m not.

  I’ve got to cut this short, Jimmy.  They’re calling My flight.  Don’t forget to look into hiring a few of those angels I put on welfare.  I’m sure you can handle any stroppiness that comes up, just like you handled old sigmund.

Wish You Were Here,

~Gawd

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3 responses to “Dear James Dobson…

  1. Gawd, Just thought you might like this picture in light of your recent experience with the GawdHatesFags folks. 🙂

    http://punditkitchen.com/?s=nerdy

  2. Ah, kids today. I guess they have a sense of humor after all. Thanks.

  3. Gawd,

    I know that Jimmy was quite distraught that the candidate he favored lost the election. It’s really nice of you to send this lovely postcard to cheer him up.

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