Dear Potential Pavement Patties,
I spotted this 3-D postcard in a little shop in Montreal and thought of you. It seemed like a perfect opportunity to answer the registered letter you sent asking Me to come to your rescue. Believe Me, I know what it’s like to be on the brink of ruin… well, actually, I don’t. But My boy, Hippie Jesus, does. Why, just before His initiation into the Deity Club He came to Me and said “Dad, take this cup from Me.” I can think of no better response to you than the one I gave to Him: Get stuffed.
Sure, it hurt, (or so He always claims), but afterwards he learned the secret handshake, so it’s all good. Which is how you ought to look at Monetary Depression George. This is your chance to become a part of the American Mythos. What does the average person think of when they hear “Black Tuesday”? Squatter’s camps? Tent cities? Dust storms? No. They think of Wall Street Jumpers. For your sake, I just wish you could have held out another month for the anniversary. Maybe you can all do a mass jump on October 29th. Hey, maybe My other boy, Republican Jesus, can go with you. He still hasn’t had His initiation.
As I’m sure you know, if there’s one thing Me & Mine never do it’s say “I told you so.” However, I’m pretty sure I mentioned the safety of keeping your money in one rock-solid, tax-exempt place. Nope, there’s nothing safer than investing in tithing. I’ll be flying first class for many years to come.
I probably won’t be seeing any of you on My upcoming vacations, as you’ll probably be poor and/or deceased, but just keep in mind what Maverick McStrongeconomy’s economic advisor said and don’t be a bunch of whiners.
Wish You Were Here,