Dear Friends & Family,
I’m writing to all of you to let you know that I am leaving America. For many years I have maintained an address in the US for tax purposes; i.e. I am non-taxable there. Heretofore, it has worked out nicely for all concerned, I think. My vacation fund isn’t taxed and Americans can say that theirs is a Christian Nation.
Now, though, My dollar-based vacation fund doesn’t buy the same level of first-class accomodations it used to. I have been considering changing to the Zimbabwe Dollar or perhaps the Turkish Lira – something with a little more oomph. This recent bank bailout has solidified My decision. If I were the CEO of a bank, of course, I would stay. But I’m not, so I’m out. I’m not the only one, either. I understand one of the presidential candidates is getting while the getting’s good, also.
I didn’t write to explain My decision, though. I wrote to do what all good friends do in this situation. I’m going to need some help boxing and loading things this weekend. Obviously, I expect My boys to show up, but a few extra hands wouldn’t hurt, (Shiva, I’m looking at You). Atlas, if You could just prop the earth somewhere safe for a few hours, You’d be awfully helpful. Hermes, We could get done much faster if You’d lend a hand. In fact, You’re all welcome. The more, the merrier. I’ll even dip into the vacation fund for pizza and beer.
Some of You, (Shani, You lazy bastage), are going to try the old “Oh, I’d love to, but I have plans,” excuse. Please do not mistake Me for a forgiving Gawd. Beside the fact that I will not hesitate to smite Your followers – those who can still muster any up – with lost car keys and bad hair days, I am missing out on valuable vacation time, myself. Well, actually, the boys and I were going to spend the next two weeks at more Gawd Themeparks, but after the Denver Bible Park misunderstanding, I decided this would be a good time to make the move. So, no begging off.
Did I mention free beer and pizza?
Even though I haven’t decided between Montreal and London, I do need to get things packed up and into the shipping container. So, unless You want to deal with the Wrath of Gawd, show up on saturday next.
See You On Saturday,
P.S. – I was just kidding about that “Wrath of Gawd” thing, ha ha.
P.P.S. – No I wasn’t.