Dear Fields of the Wood Bible Park…

9907 Hwy 294, 4 Miles Past the N. Carolina State Line

Dear Don,

  Not since I hired King Solomon Contractors to build My first vacation condo have I been more pleased with a work of art in concrete.  Your 5-foot high by 4-foot wide letters spelling out My first set of commandments brought a tear to this deity’s eye.  I only wish you’d been around when that klutz Moses broke the originals I gave him.  Your Ten Commandments Mountain sure would have made those idol-worshipping Israelites sit up and take notice.  On the other hand, I think I got their attention when I made them drink their idol.  (I was big into alchemy and vicious revenge at the time.)

  Your little Golgotha shrine had the boys groaning a little, “Oh, Dad, not again!”, but at least We didn’t have to watch a half dozen reenactments.  We also didn’t have to pay to get in, which was a nice change.  of course, that also means that you’re not stumping up your fair share toward My vacation fund, which makes Me somewhat wroth.

  Hippie Jesus, in what I fear is going to be an all too common occurrence on this themepark trip, got a bit disturbed when We went in Joseph’s Tomb.  So We went straight from there to the Solid Rock Snack Bar, where We all had reasonably priced cheeseburgers – which the boys insisted on calling Jeezburgers.  Then to the Hidden treasures Gift Shop, where We were able to come away with Amazing Hidden Treasures like a “Smile:  Gawd Loves You” license plate, (which I thought was stretching the truth a bit), some postcards and a Tower of Babel tie which the boys chipped in on.

  Then it was straight to the mountain, which, having just come from the Solid Rock Snack Bar, the boys were chagrined to find was not Big Rock Candy Mountain but Prayer Mountain.  So after standing around awkwardly at the top for a few minutes, We headed for the Psalms of Praise.

  Nice job.  There’s not much I like more than praise… unless it’s tithing, of course.  I especially like tithing.  In fact, I would suggest replacing the Prayer Mountain with a Tithing Well.  The visitors will get just as much out of it and you can start pulling your weight with the vacation fund.

  I would have liked to stay and feed the ducks, but, frankly, the boys were getting kind of restless.  So it was back to the motel, where I am writing you this postcard.  Do you recognize the picture on the front?  Yeah, I bought it at your place!  Good one, huh?

Wish You Were Here,

~Gawd

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