Dear Uppity Persons…

Hush little Uppity, don't you fret...

Hush little Uppity...

The Other Side of the Tracks

Dear Uppities,

  I was just strolling through Tokyo Narita International, so I bought a few things and sat down at My departure gate.  I looked upon My bag of Ajigonomi Snack and My handful of postcards and My paperback thriller and saw that it was good.  Then I said, “This is My vacation, of which I am well-pleased.”  I would not be going too far to say that a self-satisfied smile was on the verge of playing briefly across My lips…

  And, yea, the Holy Cellphone chirped.  It was My boy, Republican Jesus.  “Dad,” He said, “sell You stocks short, break out the guns and head for the bunker.  Armageddon is upon Us.  I just got word from one of My friends that…”  At this point He choked up for a moment, but got Himself under control.  “I just got word that the uppities have risen!”

  My boy has been hearing whispers about the grave threat you people represent for some time now.  Let Me make one thing perfectly clear from the start:  I, Myself, don’t have a problem with you people.  Why, some of My best friends are uppity.  But you must see how you affect My boy and His buddies.  I just think that if you would lower yourselves just a little bit, so you don’t seem so threatening, things would be much smoother.

  What really worries Me is that you might cause My boy and His Republican Pride friends to touch off the Big One.  Now, I know it’s not your fault, really, but someone’s going to have to back down here and they’re not used to it.  So I’m asking you to do it.  It would be mighty Republican of you.  You see, this situation could easily get out of hand and become a tar-baby we’d all be stuck in.

  You need to step back and look at the Big Picture.  You must take into consideration Gawd’s Plan.  My Plan, which I have been working on since long before your ancestors came to My current favorite country, is to have a nice, relaxing vacation.  But My Plan doesn’t only include Me.  Oh, no.  Everyone has their place, whether it be bringing Me a pina colada on the beach or carrying My luggage to My room or simply not causing a fuss.  Do you know your place?  My place is the Philippines in about 5 hours.  But neither of us can truly fulfill our places in My plan if the world is coming to an end.

   So please, for everyone’s sake, try to be a little more downity.

Wish You Were Here,



2 responses to “Dear Uppity Persons…

  1. Gawd. Thank you for sending these lovely postcards. Keep them coming.


    Enjoy your vacation. Say hi to Mayari if you see her.

  2. Phrew! Don’t talk to Gawd about Mayari. The last time I heard Him mention Her name, it was something along the lines of, “That one-eyed bitch owes me money.”
    He’s can be a vengeful Gawd when it comes to cash.

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