Dear Sarah Palin…

Alaska State Capitol Bulding, Juneau, AK 99811

Dear Sarah,

  For the past few days I’ve been in Kyoto, touring the nearby gardens.  They’re really quite something.  I’ve learned some truly profound and interesting things about Japan in the short time I’ve been here.  Foremost among them, that the scotch isn’t as bad as I expected and origami isn’t My thing.  Between sampling the single malt and contemplating the koi with My old pal Hotei, I’ve been feeling just really tranquil.

  That is, I was feeling tranquil until you opened your big yap.  I thought I had made it abundantly clear that this Iraq thing you people have gotten yourselves into is nothing to do with Me.  Okay, sure, I made a passing joke to George II that if he hated Saddam so much he should take his lunch money and give him a wedgie.  But it’s not My fault George has always been two bricks shy of a load, a mean summbitch and now a dry-drunk to boot.  That’s down to a combination of heredity and environment.  In fact, your fakakta war has shtupped My vacation plans there.

  So I’m sure you can imagine how it makes Me itch to call My lawyers, Fire, Brimstone & Wrath, LLC.  Actually, when a crazy broad with links to Armageddon Cults stands up in public and proves she either can’t control her mouth or wants a pop in same, I think to Myself, “Gawd, I wonder what the Lawyers of the Apocolypse are doing right now – and do you think they’d like to come round with their junior partner, Smitey S. Smitesalot?”

  I hope I’m getting My point across, Sarah.  After three days in the land of haikus and good manners I wonder if I’m being too subtle.  Let Me put this in as an American way as I can:  I will sue your ass.  Yea, unto seven times seven generations of Palins shall have a legal smiting to make Job cringe and perhaps mutter under his breath, “Steady on, Gawd,”.  ‘Nuff said?

  By the way, tell John that Charon says hello and He’ll see him soon.

Wish You Were Here,

~Gawd

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2 responses to “Dear Sarah Palin…

  1. So I’m sure you can imagine how it makes Me itch to call My lawyers, Fire, Brimstone & Wrath, LLC.

    Sounds like a the team I need to handle my ex. Ha!

    This postcard ought to keep Sarah up at night!

  2. Lottie,

    You’d be appalled at what it costs to keep those guys on retainer. It’s generally cheaper and better for your psyche to just hire a crack-head to shiv the person you want to sue… but they’re good. They’re very good.

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