Dear United States Treasury…

My boy dealing with Fannie Mae.

My boy dealing with Fannie Mae.


Dear Hank Paulson,


  I read about you bailing out Fannie Mae the other day.  Now, although I am taking a couple of anger management courses simultaneously, I sometimes run across things on the intertubes that pique Me.  Actually, when I say “sometimes” I mean “rather more than several times daily”.  Sure enough, as soon as I saw the headline, the Holy Blood Pressure spiked.  Let Me tell you a little something that perhaps no one has before:  You & your boss and all of his playmates can’t seem to get anything right.  At all.  When government should lend a hand and when it shouldn’t is just one of many.


  As you may know, I am a firm believer in letting people deal with things on their own.  I thought this government agreed with Me.  In fact, I’ve been trying to pay off the interest on My college loans for several thousand years now and The Great Flood was a direct result of government default policy.  Actually, Fannie Mae should be rolling in it from My payments alone.  They’ve been the cause of several cut-rate vacation trips over the years.


  Like John McCain, economics is a closed book to Me.  To paraphrase an old and greatly-missed friend, Douglas Adams, it’s a closed and burned book and that’s the way I like it.  But it seems to Me, that there are better things you could spend 5 trillion dollars on.  Really, I’ve never understood how you and your cronies decide whom is worth what.


  The bottom line here, as with so many things, is this Warning from on High:  If this bailout affects my vacation schedule in any way – expect a smiting.  I would normally simply unleash My lawyers on you, but this government is somehow impervious to Law.  So just know that if I have to pause My vacation to smite you, your grandchildren will feel it.


Wish You Were Here,




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