Dear Fathers…

Those Aztecs, they were as easy to mess with as the Jews.

Every Father’s Address, The Universe

Dear Pops Throughout the Universe,

  With Father’s Day coming up, and since I happen to be a father myself, I thought I’d send all of you a short postcard to clear something up that’s been bothering Me for some time.  As you may or may not know, I have more than a few kids.  In fact, to digress a little, it’s safe to say that I got around a bit in My younger days.  There are a good few backstairs sprogs running around who could technically call Yours Truly “Daddy”.

  That actually segues into what I wanted to address:  My younger days.  Not only was I a randy young Gawd who hung out with Zeus, (and I could tell you some stories about His sex life that would make your head spin), I had what I have to admit was a kind of sick sense of humor.  Some of My jokes kept ’em in stitches over in Olympus and Asgard for years, and those guys are known for their crazy jokes.  Anyway, at one point I kind of told this guy, Abraham, that he didn’t do enough for me and who’s the gawd here, anyway?  Actually, I was just gonna take his watch or something, but it kind of got out of hand.  I barely stopped laughing long enough to keep the gullible freak from offing his son.  So that’s the point.  I just wanted to clear that up and let you know that it’s okay to bring them home from Iraq now.

  Hey, maybe some other time I’ll tell you about how I bet My bookie double-or-nothing what I owed him that I could bitch-slap Job and make him like it.

Wish You Were Here,

~Gawd

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