Dear Tom Delay…

Religion is the opium of the masses?

C/O Travis County, TX District Court Grand Jury

Dear Tom,

  As anyone who pays attention has noticed by now, I’m on vacation and don’t really answer the postcards that people have been sending me for as long as I remember.  However, since My slacker son recently got a job, I thought I’d have a go at answering one of yours.

  It seems to Me that making statements and then sending Me postcards asking to make the statements true is a little ass-backwards.  In fact, I’ve never really understood you and the other hooligans you run around with.  You make what are obviously meant to be derogatory comments about My boy’s new boss in one breath and the next you’re telling people you’re My new apprentice or something.  Keep it up and the only training you’ll get from me is how to take a boot up the keister.

  Of course, I’ve often wondered if this sort of thing is all My boy’s fault.  In one of His rebellious phases He went out and got piercings and, (don’t ask me how), He ended up releasing a bunch of brain-eating zombies.  It’s just the sort of thing that’s always happened around Him.  In fact, He once infected a herd of something or other with demons.  But I digress.  The point of this, which has become a bit of a family introspection, was to answer your postcard.  So, here goes.

  I’m on vacation.  Just do what you always do; make something up and pretend it’s real.

Wish You Were Here For That Boot-Keister Lesson,



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