Dear Anthony Brown…

Jesus is his co-pilot.

Orlando, FL

Dear Tony,

  You’re welcome for the idea… I think.  I must admit, the day I got your postcard asking Me for a way to raise a lot of money quickly, I was feeling especially magnanimous and I didn’t read it too closely.  I had just seen a show and was feeling rather euphoric.  I thought you were going to use the cash for something useful; I didn’t realize you were looking to overrun the place with missionaries.  Now, don’t panic.  I’m not going to be a Vishnu-Giver and take it back.  I’m as sick of paying $4.00/gallon for gas as anyone else.  In fact, I’d have invented the thing myself, but I’m on vacation.

  However, I’m going to have to insist that you do something more productive with the money.  First, as I may have mentioned, I’m on vacation and the last thing I want when I’m waiting for a flight is a bunch of Moonies pestering Me; or – Me-forbid – some Mormon kid on Walkabout accosting Me in a disco parking lot.  Second, I’m omniscient, which means I know you expect these missionaries to be hawking My unauthorized biography.  Believe Me, I don’t want to be a Loki about this, but if you cause any more of those books to be released I’ll be forced to communicate through My lawyers, Fire, Brimstone & Wrath, LLC.  Perhaps you’ve seen their ad:  “When FB & W sue your ass, your ass stays sued.”  I hope you get the point.  Oh, and you’re welcome, again… but don’t ask for anything else.

Wish You Were Here,


*Hat Tip to Reversible Panda


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