Word Press, The Inter Tubes
It has come to My attention that you are publishing maps of My home. I realize that it’s something of a tradition in Hollywood to sell maps to/of the stars’ homes, but I must point out that a) I don’t live in Hollywood and b) I am more a reluctant celebrity than otherwise.
What is more disturbing, (and my lawyers agree), are the number of trespassers shown and the number of street vendors who seem to have set up shop. I’m not sure who is responsible for disseminating this map or who is responsible for all the vendors, but let Me tell you right now; IT MUST STOP! While it’s true that I am on vacation in the Caribbean at the moment, and, to be honest, haven’t been home for quite some time, that doesn’t give anyone squatter’s rights. Obviously, I’ll be having words with my home security firm. On a somewhat personal note, if I find out who has been posing as Me and selling the snapshots to visitors, they will gain a profound understanding of “Gawd’s Wrath”… also… ummm… does it strike you, too, as a bit tacky and morbid that the line to gawk at the Damned is so much longer than the line to pose with the faux Me? As for the squatters themselves, consider this a cease, desist and vamoose order. If I have to unleash the Four Lawyers of the Apocalypse, the suing will be biblical.
Wish You Were Here, (instead of tramping through my garden),