Secret Musicoscientifical Laboratory, Brooklyn, NY
It has come to My attention that you are endeavoring to indoctrinate the children with your toe-tappingly catchy scientifical dogma. This must stop.
Not that I have anything against you or science in general, but the fact is, the more children who grow up with a fact-based worldview, the less money there is in My vacation fund. Don’t get Me wrong, though. Personally, I like all that sciencey stuff, though it’s never really been My forte’. In fact, between you and Me, if it hadn’t been for My lab partner, Pele, at Deity School, I probably wouldn’t have passed the science requirement.
Be that as it may, as much as I find Myself humming along to Science is Real, My Brother the Ape and Why Does the Sun Really Shine, it’s just not healthy, (for My bank account), for the children to be exposed to this sort of thing at such a tender age. And, while My comfort is, of course, of paramount importance, you should also think of the children, themselves. Do you think you’re going to help them get along in later life by putting them at odds with the majority of the American population? Isn’t the national motto “Majority Rules – Minority Can Suck It”, or something like that? Imagine how they’ll be picked on in school for knowing things. They’ll be ostracized and… and… other things that end in -ized.
Actually, looking at your list of albums, I see that this isn’t the first time you’ve tried this sort of thing. You have an album called “Here Come the 123′s”, which probably has something to do with mathematics, and another called “Here Come the ABC’s”. Both of which are probably crammed full of facts and fact-based ideas. As if that weren’t appalling enough, you seem to have an album aimed at the children called “No!”.
My dear sirs, in a civilized society, the children need only know how to determine 10% of their future earnings for tithing purposes and spell Vacation Bible School. As for saying “No!” to their elders and betters… all I can say is: “Why do you hate the children so? Why do you hate the children?”
Know that I shall make a point of attending any of your concerts which coincide with My vacation schedule and if you attempt to play any subversive songs I shall scream, “Play Ana Ing!!!1!” at the top of My lungs in order to disrupt your plan of indoctrination… and because I especially like that song.
Wish You Were Here,