Dear Hillary Clinton…

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15 Old House Ln.  Chapaqua, NY 10514

 

Dear Hillary,

 

  I just wanted to drop you a quick card to thank you for sending all of these atheists out here to Our impromptu beach party.  When the Democratic National Convention made it clear that atheists weren’t welcome I tossed out an informal invitation to join Me and a couple of My old Deity School chums, Akua & Kanaloa, in Hawaii.  The turnout was great, as I was telling My boys yesterday.  Thanks to you, though, more and more atheists keep showing up.  Now, besides yesterday’s atheists and some pals from Discworld, Our little luau has got magicians, lawyers, filmmakers and a good many scientists.

 

  Personally, I think you made a bad choice.  I’ve always found that the only thing about atheists that chaps My holy fundament is that they don’t tithe toward My airfare and hotel costs.  So, in that respect, I’d like to see fewer atheists.  I can barely squeak by as it is.  On the other hand, if all I ever had to talk to were the brand loyalists, I’d go nuts.  Speaking of brand loyalists, thanks for not cutting loose those “Hillary or Nothing” folks of yours.  They’re the last people I’d want to show up at one of My parties.  They’re worse losers than the Hittites.

 

  Anyway, I ought to get back to the party.  I’d invite you, too, but I think some of these guys worked on a number of election campaigns.  So they might be a little miffed with you and your friends right now.  Okay, really must go – they’re daring Me to resurrect Mark Twain.

 

Wish You Were Here,

 

~Gawd

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